Ok I need to rant

I have an older sister who I do not get a long with. Not because we don't love each other, or because of any big feud or anything. We just don't agree on anything. Seriously, we fight every time we speak to one another.

For example: She pierced her daughter's ears when she was 5 months old. I personally don't think any sort of body modification should be administered on a child who isn't old enough to express their consent for said modification. Especially just because the parent thinks its fucking cute. That is my neice, I love that little girl and I consider that a violation of her right to have a say over what happens to her own body.

She just called me a few minutes ago and wanted me to look up some door to door company that came to her place and offered her a service that was suppose to save her money on her utilities. This is a common thing that she does. She will only call me when she wants something from me, and if she isn't flat out asking me for money, she is asking me to help her in some other way that has to do with her finances. She never asks me how I am doing, and she is talking constantly so that even if I wanted to tell her what was going on with me, I wouldn't have the opportunity.

But that is besides the point. My sister has her own free will, I obviously have no problem with that. She can do and believe whatever the hell she wants. If I don't agree with something she thinks, most of the time I will keep my mouth shut. But i don't want to sit silently and hear her bitch about not having any money when I know she smokes at least a pack a day. I have a huge problem with this. Besides the fact that she is my sister and I don't want her to kill herself, and she has a 14 month old baby that is being poisoned by this habit. She refuses to accept that this addiction of hers is directly contributing to her money problem. Everyone knows how expensive cigarettes are. If people want to spend that much money on something that we all know basically kills you, go right for it. I honestly really don't care. I don't a problem with people who smoke. But if you do, and you are not somehow getting them for free, don't come to me and ask for money.

I am sick of this whole idea. I realize that people have their own free will. If people want to drink, do drugs, smoke cigarettes, fine that is your business, I really don't give a shit. I have done a lot of shit myself and I have no right to judge people who make that choice for themselves.

BUT

1. Don't do that shit around my baby niece, or any of the kids in my family unless you want to hear me bitch about it.

2. Don't complain to me, and certainly don't ask me for help, if you are going to continue to waste your money on shit that you not only do not need, but also negatively effects your health.

That is my rant.

Distance

I am learning that there is a lot more distance between me and the other people of the world. There are times that I feel boring and not unique at all. Then there are days like this. when I realize how truly different i am. I wonder if it is unusual for me to be happy, completely satisfied with my life. Those days when I feel good for no apparent reason, and I start to realize that I am in general a very happy person, are always the days that I hear from multiple people that they are unhappy about something. So it makes me wonder if I am honestly just so different from everyone else, or if i just surround myself with unhappy people. I can't tell. I feel like its been this way my entire life. My mom, my sister, multiple people I have dated, and a crazy amount of my friends. I feel like i am constantly going up against a stream of negativity. Its annoying and its wearing me down.

In my head

i am so completely in thought today.
My mind is saturated with ideas and images.
there are so many things going I cant even see them well enough to sort them.
I just feel the chaos, I hear it thumping literally like a badly mixed techno song,
and i hate techno.

Its a whole bunch of tiny little stressors, that really are not that big of a deal, but combined are creating this sense of foreboding.

Its all stupid and completely irrational, but it is there, i feel it.